Unlearning Curve

You’ve heard the phrase steep learning curve before. It’s a good and honest way of approaching many things in our lives. Equally true, there are also steep unlearning curves we are wise to recognize as we move forward. Some things must be unlearned.

If we’ve been friends for a while, or if you’ve read previous encouragement notes I’ve posted, you know there’s some measure of risk in giving center-stage focus to things we don’t want in our lives. The title of this post — Unlearning Curve — is an example: focusing on unlearning something isn’t our primary goal, yet it’s something we must be aware of as we develop, grow, and gain momentum. More clearly understood, as we develop, grow, and gain momentum, we discover that progress requires both learning what works and having the courage to discard what doesn’t.

Admitting that we have to unlearn some things to make room for what we need to learn is key. It’s the first step in the recovery journey — to admit that we have a problem.

The courage it takes to unlearn the less-than-useful things is significant. Sometimes it’s because doing “it” a particular way used to work for us — and now it doesn’t. Trying hard to do what we think will work and coming up short is frustrating, futile, and filled with a few other f-words I can think of. Everyone can recall a few situations like that in life.

Here’s a big focus point for unlearning — Trying Harder. Trying harder doesn’t work, yet it’s the thing we most reflexively do when we’re trying to move forward. Often we have to unlearn what I call the Avis Model. Avis Car Rental’s slogan was “We Try Harder.” Good for you, Avis... but that’s some stinkin’-thinkin’ for people. We can’t sustain a try-harder plan in any significant area of life. Should we apply ourselves — try? Yes. But trying harder simply isn’t a sustainable plan. We have to unlearn that while we learn the better way.

Unlearning Curve is a musing of mine as I seek to encourage us toward a life of setting down — first by admitting that the current plan in play is trying harder — and to ponder and receive this truth: development, growth, and momentum are the result of great training. Yes, we must apply ourselves and try, but our focus, our language, and our mindset should be this: I am always in training as I develop, grow, and build up a head of steam toward the goal before me. I train — and I train hard.

In sports and in business, when you find those who lead the pack, you’ll find a great training plan undergirding their success. You’ll also find coaches, mentors, and guides they train with and learn from.

How about in your most important relationships? How do you train to have a developing, growing, and positive life trajectory in your marriage, with your kids, your parents, your siblings, or your neighbor? How about in your life spiritually, emotionally, intellectually? These are the areas of true meaning.

Come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.
For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.
— Rabbi Jesus

This is the most compelling and overarching training plan I have ever heard in my life. I just never saw it as a plan — I saw it as an escape because I was exhausted.

When I was younger, I would hear these words, and what resonated was the weary and burdened part. Like you, I’ve always tried hard to be great in my key relationships, in my work, and in the most important areas of life. Trying harder is a weary-making endeavor — I knew that. So when I heard these words, I thought Jesus was offering me respite from the hard work of life. I was wrong. I had to unlearn that. What Jesus is actually (still) inviting me to do is to work with him — to yoke up with him, to work together.

Even now, I sometimes revert back to the try-harder plan and find myself once again pulling and pushing through life alone — like a lone plow horse dragging a heavy farming implement across the landscape of where I live and work. But then I remember: I can take up the offer to yoke myself to Jesus, to pull together, to learn from the One who is both gentle and humble. We’re both still working, but working together. He doesn’t attach to my yoke — I attach to his.

Today, I’m reminding you — along with myself — to remember.

This quoted invitation of the Great Rabbi was captured by young Matthew (chapter 11) on a day when Jesus was speaking to people in cities and marketplaces where he had not only captivated minds with his teaching but had also performed miracles in their midst — and yet they didn’t receive the truth he brought or the power he displayed. They just went back to the way they had learned to do life.

We do that too. But we can unlearn. We can yoke up with Him and learn from the gentle, humble-hearted, ever-working One who invites us to do so — every day. That is the training plan available to us.

Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life.
I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me — watch how I do it.
Learn the unforced rhythms of grace.
I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you.
Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.
— Eugene Peterson (paraphrasing the same passage in The Message)

Unlearn the try-harder plan. Apply yourself to the ultimate training plan offered.

Focus. Decide. Do. Flourish.